The Internal Work of an Ally

As this revolution tide flows in response to the murder of George Floyd, many instantly recall during this PRIDE month the foundational work done by Black trans women and other queer POC  at Stonewall. Strategic activism led by marginalized people for their own rights has so much precedent, it’s practically ingrained in the DNA of the human race.

Thanks to the constant, unpaid emotional labor of Black people, particularly women, unobservant white, cis-gender, heterosexual people have every resource necessary to understand the harsh truths about complicity. Due to this brilliant, painstaking work, people trapped in their ignorance can now remove the scales from their *own* eyes. Often the honest gut reaction of inherently good people shows up as an urgency to prove understanding and apologize for lacking awareness. The necessary internalization of that urgency, like all super energized things, has a high probability of causing more harm than good if not contained properly. Grasshoppers start off by waxing a car, not with a crane kick.

Once a person recognizes the system of oppression they participate in, they either choose to continue participating or choose to rehabilitate themselves from their lifelong delusions about humanity. An ally first must cope with the shame of their past complicity, and then actively search for ways to help dismantle these systems—systems they had no part in creating and want no part of maintaining. 

This process may trigger something of a dark night of the soul. It requires people to look into the shadows of their wholistic human beinghood and truly acknowledge the impact of an involuntary upbringing in a white supremacist system. Especially though not exclusively in the United States, people unwittingly center whiteness because they grew up in a predominantly white-centered society their whole white-centered lives. A committed ally saturates themselves with information and harnesses the emotional bubble-up of the white fragility response. That upset? That shame? That desperation for change? Allies must sit with those emotions and transform the energy into actionable, compassionate, empathy-entwined social justice that centers the oppressed and de-centers white supremacy.

Allies must do more than express devastation in response to an individual traumatic event (though we should despair over the brutal murder of innocent people). The individual traumatic event is one in a series of many, many others just like it. First, recognize, second, speak up against these injustices in real-time. Active and continuous ally work involves daily decoding of microaggressions, observation of the self and others, and speaking up and out against injustice from a position of privilege—not as a reaction, but as a method of prevention. 

Becoming an action-oriented ally has phases and stages just like any other evolution process. The first step starts within. Think of this like incorporating an exercise routine. Going all out with no information and no pacing leads to overwhelmed lack of control and burnout. Moving into the role of an ally works more like a lifestyle choice instead of a get-woke-fast scheme. 

Listening to the voices of marginalized people remains the best form of learning, but establishing relationships with people that don’t look like us for the first time can lead to a lot of embarrassed feelings. New allies face admitting, now outwardly, “Prejudice lived so deep inside me I don’t even know many Black people personally enough to try and hold space for them at this time.” 

Scary stuff stays scary when left unidentified, so let’s just name the scariest part of trying to diversify human connections: accepting the risk of getting shot down in a way that feels personal even though it isn’t. A fresh ego can hardly stand this work. Getting rejected on the basis of looks or identity always stings until callus forms. [Now imagine how a Black person experiences this daily and hold space for those feelings.] True allyship requires the willingness to accept rejection gracefully, thankful that a person felt safe and secure enough to stay true to their own feelings. Imagine that same person too scared for their life to be honest.  

Black people and other marginalized folx live in a perpetual state of danger. Allies must be willing to face the same level of danger and stand up against it for all people, and not just at a protest where other people can see. To the new ally, keep this priority in mind long after social media and the news stops flooding us all with evidence. Commit to a continuous education on the road to becoming an accomplice in the missions of any and all oppressed people.

A final note to the unarguably privileged: when in a position of financial freedom and professional stability that allows for a mortgage and free time, consider a social justice mortgage as well. Activist leaders have consistently shown what can happen when people combine their talents, time, and money to instigate radical change. Invest in dismantling the system in every sense of the word. 

When Black Lives Matter, really then all lives will matter indeed.

Ruthie Irvin
They/Them
Content Writer @ EveryDopeGirl